Save Yourself
by HepCatRaven
Summary: A songfic of "Save Yourself" by Sensefield. My take on Spot and his love life.


_**Turn out the light** _

The gas porchlight flickered on above the stoop. Spot's gaze moved to the door as it creaked open again.

"Spot?" Came a hushed voice.

He stepped forward to the edge of the light. "Yeah." He called back.

There was a pause from behind the door. "Thank you."

He grinned his world famous grin and thumbed the brim of his hat. "Anytime, ma'am." His teeth glinted sharply.

The light flickered off and the street was bathed in moonbeams.

He turned to go, then thought of something. "By the wa—"

The lock clicked shut.

_**Just say goodnight, to yourself** _

He stopped, mid-sentence, and waited. Nothing.

He gave a sigh. "Goodnight."

**_May I remind you_**

_**When you find you, you're all alone is when you've got to be strong** _

He straightened his shirt collar and cleared his throat.

_**Cause that's when they call you, in the night **_

He headed back for the Lodging House, cigarette in hand.

_**He's got your picture in his mind **_

"Hello beautiful." Spot sidled up to a redhead at the bar. He tipped the lip of his cap back off his face. "Wheah you been awl my life?" He smirked charmingly.

_**He's got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime **_

"Call me." She whispered close to his ear, pressing a slip of paper into his palm.

The hair on the back of his neck pricked up in response, but he ignored it like always.

She looked him in the eye before she disappeared.

They both knew he wouldn't call.

**_Is it really true_**

****

**_Could you save yourself for someone who loves you for you _**

"I love you."

Her lower lip trembled: no one had ever told her that before. She had yearned for it all her life, and, now, here it was.

He had known that, had known what she wanted to hear, and so he told her.

**_So many times we just give it away, to someone who_**

****

**_Someone who you _**

He never meant it. He never meant anything he said.

_**Met in bar** _

"Vodka, straight up." She put her head in her hands. "I want to die." She muttered, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"'Scuse me, ma'am."

She moved her fingers and looked at who had spoken.

"Ya dropped this." The young man held her handkerchief delicately between his fingers.

She blinked at him, wondering how he had gotten hold of it.

"It slipped from ya hand when ya sat down." He offered it again.

She took it gingerly, lowering her hands from her face. "Thank you." She murmured.

_**The back of a car**_

"Ya look sad." He furrowed his brow, watching her sip her drink. "Ya wanna come back ta my place? We can...talk."

She turned to him suddenly, eyes wet and red. She nodded, a fresh wave of tears brewing behind her eyelids.

_**And for a moment you felt important but not in your heart** _

Spot grabbed his shoes and climbed out the window, pausing only once to look back.

He felt nothing. He never did, only the cold emptiness he was trying to forget.

_**My self-esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low** _

By hurting others, he felt bigger. Felt more important. He convinced himself that he was helping them. And that made him feel better.

**_I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me_**

****

**_I want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you _**

He knew no other way.

_**So many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name** _

He lit up a cigarette, cupping the flame between his hands to protect it from the wind.

"Spot?"

He turned. It was the redhead.

She smiled in recognition.

His face was blank. It gave away nothing. "Do I know you?"

Her smile faded. She understood. "No...I'm sorry...I—I thought you were someone else. My mistake."

_**Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me** _

Love? A fairy tale. There's no such thing. It's not real. Or, if it is, it's not in Brooklyn.

**_Give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name_**

****

**_Cause I want to learn, can you save yourself for_**

****

**_Someone who will love you for you so many times _**

He awoke with his hands behind his head. His head lolled to one side and he breathed deeply. The sleeping form beside him stirred.

_**We just give it away, someone who couldn't even remember your name** _

He glanced to the pile of clothes on the floor. A nametag was pinned to a dress. He could just barely read the print. _Beth. Oh._ Not that it mattered.

**_You save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, _**

"Do ya ever get tired of it?"

Spot paused.

"All the time."

_**Loves me for me** _

"Don't you wanna settle down, Spot? Ya know, get a good woman who'll love ya an' give ya kids an' awl that?"

He lifted his eyes and stamped out the still-burning ashes in the tray.

_**Give it away to someone who** _

"Why?"

_**Someone who will** _

The bartender sighed. "You jus' don't understand."

_**Cherish your name** _

"And I don't know how to explain it to ya."

_**Cherish your name** _

"Yeah."

Spot exited the bar, hands buried deep in his pockets. Snow fell lightly all around.

"Yeah."


End file.
